| I'm going to university *dances*
Its real, like, really real. 13 years of slog and I'm back at the beginning and its great. I have no idea what I'm doing I'm self concious and a little shy, I stuffed up a lot today couldn't log on to the system when everyone else could dropped coffee on my dress and still it was...new, and shiny and I'm happy. I hope everyone else is too. | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment   |
| Reading Taranii's post tonight made me realise something I'm sure everyone else knows:
I have no idea who I am and even less of an idea of who I want to be.
Who, not what.
I know the what, not the who.
I think I did this the wrong way around. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| news:
Got into ANU
No longer have a job
Have cut hair
information required:
who left a bright red 12 C bra at my house
Thats it. Theres a reward for information relating to the bra...you get to keep it. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | This is painful, I'm waiting to find out my UAI and it is killing me. I work and then go home and try and distract myself, but my usual distraction methods remind me that I might not have a school to go too next year. Everytime I pick up a book I'm reminded of my impending doom. On top of which I work all day then can't sleep so I sleepy work the next day and crash at about 7 when I get home, and then the cycle continues, its bizarre. Oh, and I sucessfully set two people up *dances* yay. and now I'm bored again. must call brianna. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| All week I've been so stressed , will I get the score I need, will I fail at life, lose my scholarship yadda yadda yadda. Then this weekend I rediscovered my true first love. I like to make it a habit to fall in love regularly, but I must say, this weekend, something about summer and my diminishing workload and having nothing to do except procrastinate about my last three pieces of homework has led me back to....
The Barenaked ladies. Yes, the first band in which I feel unbeleivably in love. It also happens that my discovery of this band coincided with my first head over heels crush, you know the kind when your thirteen and you imagine your wedding and what your kids will look like. And its been a long time since then, but these guys still talk to me, so I think for the moment I've found true love. The crush was a long lasting but also long forgotten factor. But any band that can have you twirling around in your loungeroom shouting the lyrics and laughing when your thirteen, and have the same effect at 18 deserves kudos. I haven't been able to stop smiling, even whilst writing an unbeleivably boring seminar about pope clement the 7th. So, thats my rant, its retrospective and releiving. They are fostering a feeling of who cares about school, and uni and the world, all that matters now is that I have The Barenaked Ladies, because they remind me, that like my unfortunate crush of yr 7, life usually turns out better when you don't get what you want.
While I was having this perky moment I thought I should say this before I forget in my maudalin end of yr 12 future doubting cynical crap. ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) espii, who I still haven't met but I must have seen 100 times, have the best time in college, it is the most fantastic two years, and everyone changes so much that by the end of it you won't be the same person, but it is soooo much fun. It also sucks, theres too much work and there are days when you've been doing an assignment till 3am that you cry for no reason. But it is crazy fun, Good Luck!
Happy Summer!
*nose wrinkle* I hope I'm this happy tommorow.
Oh, and whilst I'm doing my devil may care thing, can everyone else keep their fingers crossed for my scores? | | comments: 3 comments or Leave a comment |
| | please someone tell me they found my shoe after andrews party. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| Things I realised today:
Two years is a short and an awfully long time.
I am older...much older than I was two years ago
I can go to andrews
I have to go to rhiannons house warming
I can visit cass from woolgoolga.
I'm REALLY excited about uni.
Thats about it.
Have a nice holiday if I don't see you.
| | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| You know how you go for weeks and months and nothing happens, and then within the space of 48 hours life just throws fun and sparkly, crappy, ick at you?
friday night, meant to go home and sulk. Went to the mall, bought two pairs of shoes, ran into dimir and micheal, jesse and lara and then taranii. Feel bad about not having been nicer to lara. Teased taranii, went to leave with my mother, ran into sophie in the car park, did introductions with my mother, had awkward conversation, went to sophie's instead of going home, sat around in sophies room watching drumline, decided I never want to live on campus, decided I want to work in civic and not the mall, decided drumline was crap.
Sophie drove me home at three in the morning, dad wakes me up at 6 am because I promised I'd walk to belco and get the car....which I don't remember promising but he seemed adamant. Walked to belco with hungover father, drove home. fixed the washer in one of the broken taps, turned water on, water goes everywhere. couldn't find log book, had driving lesson without it, failed again, came home, hid in room with laptop like i should have done on friday night, at like 6 stupidly went to shops in daggy skirt and ugg boots, ran into zoe and her model boyfriend, felt crappy, went home, sulked in room, still sulking in room.
Have to miss band tommorow for work
sulks more
okay not that much happened, but it was a lot by my lifes standard | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| | Subject: | Love | | Time: | 10:21 pm |
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| I haven't been this happy or hopeful in three years.
I love Melbourne (see below for details)
I love their new course structure (it means I don't need as high a UAI and I get to take Law)
I love the train ride (And the trains and the tram and the think time and finishing the keating bibliography on the train and the lack of a crowd)
I love the plane trip (Faster than the train)
I love the Residential Colleges (Kind of a Enid Blighton fans fantasy)
I love the City (like Sydney sans yuppies and with cheaper clothes)
I love their degrees (Because it makes them the 9th university in the world for arts)
I love the nerdiness (because I feel at home)
I love finding a new hadley (who carried around a wooden spoon while giving me a tour of a res hall and regaling me with stories of corset wearing in O week and the parties that hes been to)
I love the shoes I found (they're pink in a big way)
I love Medley (student hall used to be a brothel, has gunshot marks in the marble floor and a crystal chandelier in a room that once held boxing)
Bring on Sydney and the Love! | | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
| I thought I better do this, even if I wasn't going to do it properly.
Explain your LJ name.
Frankie is a name Kate used to call me after I repeatedly told her her clothing/hair/makeup/eye liner/shoes/reading habits/political leanings etc. were pathetic. She said it was because I was always frank. I told her she was pathetic. The fan is because they wouldn't let me have frankie....because it reminds me that "I'm just a regular frankie fan" and because it got me a message from frank the goat thanking me for my support. Although...only the first one is the real reason, the others are little off shoots of reasons.
| | comments: Leave a comment |
| I've had an issue to consider for a couple of weeks and I'm not coming up with an answer, so I thought I'd ask a group of strangers. (
Okay, well, my French teacher is kindly taking me and 6 other students to New Caledonia for a week for a study and culture trip. My issue is that on this trip there will inevitably be discussion of the "male physique"? as it is a small predominately female group spending a lot of time on the beach and our French teacher is fairly young and relaxed. I don't know whether i should skirt the issue if asked to comment, or be honest about it. She wouldn't have a problem with my sexuality, and all the students attending the trip have met at least one of my previous girlfriends. So my only issue is with the fact that I'm not comfortable with her knowing because I don't want her to get the impression that it is up for discussion in class times. I'm out at school, but I don't like my private life to enter the classroom. On top of that I don't like people prying into my private life, and any mention of it in class counts as prying to me.
My issue is that someone will inevitably tell her, and I don't know if I would have offended her by not saying anything? She teaches two of my classes and finds the time to give me extensive help with my German homework. of course she isn't a friend, but because of the structure of the school system here we are on first name terms and she is someone i respect immensely. Would you be offended if I put you in that situation?
On top of this I keep asking myself whether its just me being afraid of being judged, of her looking at my opinions and statements knowing that extra facet of who I am. And then sometimes I think I'm blowing it out of proportion.
More over is it cowardly not to say anything, am I skirting the issue simply because its easier.
So really I want to know if you can think of more pros and cons, and what you think I should do. | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| | God I hate some of the people that were there tonight, even more of them I just don't really like, and then theres the group who are good in very small doses. All in all not very many people I would have liked to spend the evening with. The manouvering was amusing though. The post evening bitch was also satisfactory. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| For all of you out there who have no idea what a company is, or the meaning of the words vicious and victorious, and for anyone else REALLY stupid, lets clear some things up:
1. Words that aren't verbs
Suicide
Weaponize
Verbise
2. Spelling
s and z are NEVER interchangeable ( I don't fucking care if you have american heritage)
The name Vivaldi is fucking phonetic AND you study classical counterpoint.
If you change the spelling it doesn't stop you sounding like an ignorant dick eg. ghey
If spelling it ghey makes it PC and okay then calling you a a stoopid fucken moaron won't offend.
3. Assorted ill chosen Boyfriends of my intelligent friendly friends.
I don't listen to you because you never say anything vaguely of interest
I don't give a fuck who or what you fuck , I just fucking hate being called honey
You're perfect, shes a ditz and you aren't going to get any anywhere else
Thank god she got it right
He's better than you'll ever be you possesive freak, and theres good reason to be possesive, he's sleeping with someone else.
4. EMO's
Need a better life?
Cut your hair
Pull you socks up
Get a real job
5. Chiuahua Woman
The name says enough
6. Dumbfucks in my classes
I only answer the questions to keep myself from stabbing my eye out with a pen from absolute boredom, or dying from laughter after one of your horrendous answers.
7. Smart People
I demand you procreate and stop being selfish. If you do it now, in 16 years they'll be legal and we can do a trade and find smart intelligent well read people with no effort at all.
Thats my structured rant, now for the 10% rant i'm supposed to write for mandy. | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| Why do i manage to fuck up normal teenage things. I can manage complex tasks, I understand world affairs, but i can't manage normal teenager?
I want to fix it, i want to be all grown up.
grr! | | comments: 11 comments or Leave a comment |
| okay, so it appears that mandy was right, "there is no need to be so cynical all the time"
yup there are nice people and nice things happen.
love you all
Lisa | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | You know what, life can be very good sometimes. And i think this is one of those times, and i love that they exist, and now i just need to find a song to reflect that. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | jesse, you are a good person, and if this turns out how i think it will i will hate you soon, so make use of the love. | | comments: 5 comments or Leave a comment |
| | Happy New Year. I had a good one, kind of good, sleeping on the couch instead of icky tent was good. getting woken up by stephen and martin geting up made me sleepy. I'm going to bed. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| Taken from Madam Redrum
1) List ten things you want to say to people but know you never will.
2) Don't say who they are.
3) Disable comments.
4) Never discuss it again.
1) I always wanted to thankyou for lieing, I know I ranted at the time, and that just made it harder, pushed us further apart, but those few weeks meant so much to me. I hate you for making me feel like it was all or nothing. I want you to know how much your promise meant, how much I hate that you make me understand "Amazing". I wish you were more a part of my life, my friends and family.I hope you were right. I can't say that a tiny part of me doesn't still hate you, even though I have no reason to. I miss you.
2)I'm sorry I lied and as a consequence you'll never get to know me like you deserve to. You are the person I most aspire to be like.
3) I hate that I couldn't stop it. I stopped it for others, but with you I was so scared of losing you I did nothing, I deliberatley saw nothing. I never want to know how close it almost was.
4) I'm sorry we'll never be close, after all these years I wish I could make it right, but I don't know how.
5) You have no idea how much I owe you. You have your faults, your hypocrisys, sometimes I want to slap you, because whilst you have never deliberatley hurt me, the expectation is so high. When you marvel at holding hands gets you odd looks you neglect that thats my life your making a freak show of. I hate that I joke along with you instead of saying what I mean, because I owe you more than that. I've said this before, but I don't know what else to say. Thankyou.
6)I'm sorry that I hurt you, that I tried to change you. You are more of a person than I will ever be. You are yourself no apologies and if people don't appreciate you for who you are, one day they will see their mistake and regret it. I just hope you are as linient on them as you were on me, or they will have missed a truly unique person.
7) I don't hate you, I don't hate that your happy, I don't hate the people that make you happy, I hate that it hurts and I don't know how to say it. I hate that I wasn't enough of who I pride myself in being to share public displays of affection in my own school yard.
8) I enjoy talking to you, because you followed your dreams without forgetting to live, you are smart, happy, in control. You did what I asked and in return gave me my lifes greatest sucess. Thankyou for being there, for holding my hand. I don't know why it was you I needed. I think it was because you understood. You'd been there. I wish I could have been there for you. The fact that you kept going, without a falter allowed me to do the same. I hope one day, when everything else that surrounds our relationship is ancient history we can get together and rehash how we ended up in so many dark corners and never once did anything more than talk. We both know the answer. Who else does? To the future whatever it holds. (P.S. I hope you get it, you deserve it)
9) You, you are pathetic, you are destined for a life of low paid work, a life of perpetually playing the victim. I see it because I hate you with such an intensity that it is barely worth the mocking jokes I make to cover. What you did, what you said, the way you said it with such a casual tone, that shredded my heart to pieces. I cried my eyes out and all over a senseless comment from someone to dumb to grasp basic conversation, and anyway there is probably something more cost effective your mouth could be doing.I want to thankyou, and everyone like you as well, for teaching me that the liberal little world I grew up in isn't real, the happy place doesn't exist, that brutality is simple. Thankyou for showing me where the line was, the line between dispicable and inhuman. It is a line, that from the lesson you unknowingly taught me, I don't think I'll ever cross.
10) I think you are great, I love that you are part of my life. I respect that you want more than your parents had, but still respect them as people. | | |
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